Rider Care - Compassion

Uncovering Compassion:Owning Your Shadow

Richard I Jontry, Ph.D., MAC, CAC Diplomate
This article first appeared in Stableviews

I am imagining that the material on animal activists has raised a few shackles and brought some opinions and values to the surface. Controversial material sometimes places us in a corner where our otherwise well developed compassion has no room to breath. I would invite you to consider that here, in areas where controversy may appear, is a place where our open mindedness and compassion may be most required.

I would like to ask your indulgence and invite you to take a moment and consider those people or viewpoints you react to most negatively. Write down the characteristic or trait that you are reacting to.

Now consider, honestly consider where within "you" this trait or characteristic might be residing. Very often, what we react to negatively in others, what we judge to be wrong, or bad in others are in truth also parts of ourselves we are denying–they are aspects of what is called our Shadow.

The Shadow is the dumping ground for all those aspects and parts of ourselves that we rejected, left undeveloped, repressed, or do not like. The Shadow is the product of becoming civilized. We are told as we grow up what good boys and girls are like. We identify with those things called good and reject those labeled bad.

We all start out whole, with all behaviors available to us and culture labels and sorts good from bad. However, just because culture, or our friends or families call something bad, we can't completely rid ourselves of it. We all, as humans, are capable of horrendous acts. Most people choose to not engage in these actions. However, the capability is still present, and it can't be discarded. It’s immediately and embarrassingly ever present in our unconscious. If we don’t express it somehow, we project it. This means that we see it in others and react strongly to what we see. Thoughts like "they do this." and "I'm not like that" keep us from seeing that the energy also resides within. Not understanding a Shadow quality in ourselves or hating it often leads to a similar attitude when we see or experience that characteristic in someone else, or in a group.

The Shadow is the unaccepted or rejected parts of ourselves including those things we're not proud of and those parts of ourselves we wish were not ours. The unknown parts of ourselves that most likely others see (as if I sat in some grease and didn't know it but others can see it); and those parts of ourselves as yet undeveloped.

To see our Shadow and identify what resides there is excruciatingly difficult as it strongly conflicts with how we see ourselves. Consequently the task of confrontation generally meets with tremendous resistance by our ego.

The withdrawal of Shadow projections is often accompanied by a shattering of self-illusions because we begin to see parts of ourselves we had rejected and labeled "Not Me".

The first step in freeing ourselves from Shadow impulses is to accept that they exist. The second step is to act kindly, but firmly in our attempt to imbue them with consciousness while understanding the reasons why they become activated. Lack of knowledge is one basic problem... if we know nothing about someone, except that they hold an opposing viewpoint, we usually tend to fear that person. Fear eventually leads to hate–the best defense is offense. Our ignorance can act as the originator of all kinds of irrational attitudes that produce harmful behaviors, which produce pain and grief for others, and ultimately for ourselves.

A major ignorance to overcome concerns the dichotomous nature of the human psyche. Only when we understand that all nature is dichotomous with positive and negative sides will we be able to take our own human natures more in stride, and even love them a bit more just as they are. If we are unaware of what drives our thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, we are on automatic pilot, and usually we create all kinds of problems for ourselves and for those around us. Being unaware and being ignorant of being unaware causes most of human suffering.

The goal of Shadow work - to integrate the dark side - cannot be accomplished with a single method or trick of mind. It is a complex ongoing. Owning your Shadow involves a deepening and widening of consciousness to include what has been rejected. Shadow work involves an ongoing process of taking another point of view in response to life. To live the "tension of the opposites" - holding both good and evil, right and wrong, light and dark, in our own hearts.

Doing Shadow work means peering into dark corners of our minds where secret shames lie hidden and angry voices may be silent. Doing Shadow work means asking ourselves to examine closely and honestly what it is about a particular individual that irritates us or repels us; what it is about a racial or religious group that horrifies or captivates us; and what it is about a lover that charms us and leads us to idealize him or her. Doing Shadow work means making an agreement with one’s self to engage in an internal conversation that eventually may lead to authentic self-acceptance and a real compassion for others.

Recognizing and acknowledge the darkness lying inside can be sobering and humbling. It may be initiated by a betrayal by a loved one; a lie by a trusted friend; a deceit by an honored teacher; or an act by a total stranger. In every case, meeting the Shadow robs us of our innocence.

When we can look in the mirror and see these behaviors in ourselves and recognize the deeper truth that the lover and the liar, the saint and the sinner live in every one of us, we may be shocked at seeing the space between who we are and who we thought we were.

Like Beauty and the Beast, our beauty is deepened as our beastliness is honored.

The first step in the process obviously is to recognize, identify and acknowledge these Shadow aspects of ourselves–What we resist persists.

Some useful questions for bringing awareness to Shadow energy:

What beliefs do I have that cause me to interpret the actions of others in a negative way?
What negative behavior patterns continuously surface in my relationships with others?
What attitudes do I have that disempower me?
What beliefs do I continue to accept that I know are not true?
Do I give myself excuses for behaving in negative ways?
What are they?
Am I frightened of the changes that might occur in my life if I openly embrace a conscious lifestyle? What am I frightened of?
What characteristics/behaviors in your horse do you have trouble with, can’t
understand, get angry about?
What have I already identified as Shadow that I know applies to my relationships with others?
What have I been told about my riding that might be (probably is) Shadow energy for me?
How am I being defensive in keeping new insights away?

If you would like to get to know just how your Shadow views the world, then...

Assume exactly the opposite of whatever you consciously desire, like, feel, want, intend, or believe. In this way you may consciously contact, express, play, and ultimately re-own your opposites. To make any valid decision or choice we must be aware of both sides, of both opposites and, if one of the alternatives is unconscious, our decision will probably be less than a wise one.

"If you don't own your Shadow", Robert Johnson is fond of saying, "it will own you." The Shadow always has its say. We may wisely be aware of our opposites, or we will be forced to beware of them.