Working Through Fear Richard I Jontry, Ph.D.,
MAC, CAC Diplomate |
Fear can sneak up on us, or suddenly overwhelm us. Fear is probably one of the rider's most unwelcome emotions. Most people would rather feel depressed or angry, then feel afraid. Fear can incapacitate us; disempower us; throw off our concentration, balance, and timing; and reduce the joy of riding to wet straw. Fear and worry can also, depending upon the horse, create an unsafe ride. Fear makes us doubt our abilities and our skills, can move us to dislike our horse, avoid riding as much as we'd like, or avoid it altogether, and raise the question of “Why did I ever think I could do this?”. Most of the time our state of fear is created by how we think about things. We evaluate something as dangerous when it is unknown; when it poses the risk of physical or emotional pain; and, if an action, we decide we are not capable of performing it well [enough], or safely. Our mind steps in after we have experienced or witnessed an event and interprets the action as beyond our abilities, likely to cause us pain (physical or emotional), or as the best we could do and we can't do it better. Consider the kinds of things we say we are afraid of:
In all cases, the mind evaluates self as not enough:. not good enough, not strong enough, not attractive enough, not quick enough, disciplined enough, flexible enough, loose enough, balanced enough, competitive enough, brave enough, or perfect enough. For many riders fear begins after a fall, or a near fall. Then the mind plays Ping-Pong with the thoughts of getting hurt, stories of other rider's injuries, recalling what happened to Christopher Reeves, combining with negative (sometimes realistic) self-evaluation pertaining to one's level of riding competence. When the self-assessment results in the conclusion that “I will, or I will probably get hurt doing this,” fear arises. Fear erodes whatever feelings of confidence we may have had in our riding abilities. This may be all pervasive and lead us to conclude we have no business riding, period, or may be more specific, and be targeted at a certain horse, a certain jump, or a specific situation in riding. When we lose confidence we communicate that to our horse. Our aids are less clear. What used to be a relaxed aid becomes tense. What used to be firm, becomes wishy-washy and confused. Our horse, who was looking to us for direction and confidence, gets a confusing message. Depending upon the horse's temperament, he will then react to our communicated lack of confidence in any number of ways. He may react with his own fear response, with assertiveness, with an unwillingness to respond, or with either over or under responsiveness to leads. The end result is that the rider winds up losing control of both emotions (confidence or fear) and the horse. Obviously, not being in control of the horse adds to the fear and a vicious cycle ensues. Breaking the cycle can be accomplished through a number of approaches depending upon the originating fear. Let's assume that the fear has been identified. If the fear is about one's ability to competently handle a riding situation, we'll also assume that you have initiated getting more instruction, or having your horse evaluated by a competent trainer. However, the fear is still there and it is interfering with your ability to learn. The fear is also interfering with your ability to communicate clearly with your horse. I will leave the horsemanship teachings to the qualified and competent equestrians and turn to what now becomes an inside job. The inside job of dealing with fear requires learning and using several Mind-Body tools such as relaxation, visualization, goal setting, and positive self-talk. If these tools are not effective, it may be important for you to identify what may be a life-long self-debilitating script that threads its way through your life. Such a script may give you the message “I'm not good enough,” or “I'll never amount to much,” or “I don't deserve it” (whatever it is), or “there's nothing I can do about it”. The uncovering of this type of script requires diligence and honesty. You will also need to deactivate the script and install a more positive one, or the old script will undermine the work described below. Relaxation involves learning to recognize and then relax the tension in your body. It involves a paradox because you learn to identify what thoughts or situations trigger your tension, and then you learn to react to these situations and thoughts with a relaxation response instead of a tense or fearful response. In a sense, you learn to control your state of relaxation, by recognizing your physical response, and changing it from a tense response to a relaxed response. Visualization and Goal Setting involve a number of steps: • learning how to create specific goals for what you want your future riding (or anything else for that matter) to look, sound, and feel like, • breaking it down into manageable, achievable steps, • creating images, or visualizations inside your mind. This tool works best when implemented daily in 15 or 20 minute sessions combined with relaxation. In regard to fearful situations, you imagine how you would like to respond, create an image of yourself displaying the specific behaviors, and imagine how your body would look and feel. It may help to imagine you are watching a movie of yourself doing it as you would like it to be done.. Create a movie that takes you from mounting your horse, all the way through to dismounting. Include all elements of your ride, exactly as you want it to look and feel. What your body and muscles learn to feel during a visualization can then be accessed in the real world. If your mind can see yourself doing it, your body can achieve it. Self-Talk involves learning to recognize and eliminate the self-defeating messages you give yourself and, in their place, inserting positive, empowering, affirming messages such as: • I can do it. • I am a capable rider. • I see myself riding with confidence and skill. You can identify your self-talk by paying close attention to what you begin to tell yourself when things don't go as you like, when you get a compliment, when someone tells you you did something well, and when someone gives you correction or feedback. Compliments may be just as difficult for some people to let in as criticisms may be. The emotion of fear is sending you a message. The message that you (may be) are endangering yourself if you don't take preparatory action, which may include learning or refining your riding skills, learning relaxation and visualization, and planning your learning strategy. Once you receive the message, I suggest you do not begin arguing with the inner voices: “I'm not a good rider,” or “I'm going to die,” or “I should just stop riding”. Don't argue with them because you'll lose. Instead, begin to plan a strategy to overcome the fear. When you become aware of a negative self-talk script, substitute a positive one. By not giving the negative self-talk any of your attention, it will eventually diminish and stop. Remember, you have the power to change the channel. You have to use that power by creating positive self-talk and using it. These tools will help you move beyond fear and achieve the goals you have set for yourself. In order to ensure success, I recommend you talk with your trainer and your instructor to receive an accurate “reality check” of your skills and learning goals. Set realistic goals. See yourself achieving those goals. Encourage yourself with positive self-talk. Be consistent and systematic in implementing your plan, and have fun riding. For lingering or persistent fears, I suggest you contact a professional ( I am one of many) who is familiar with one or more of the new “Power Therapies” emerging in the field. Thought Field Therapy (TFT), Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) are some of the tools now available that have been found helpful in reducing or eliminating stressful or troublesome emotions in a relatively short period of time.
REFERENCES Callahan, Roger, Five Minute Phobia Cure. Wilmington, DE. Enterprise Pub. 1985 Diamond, John. Life Energy. New York, NY. Dodd Mead. 1985 Durlacher, James V. Freedom From Fear Forever. Tempe, AZ.Van Ness Publishing. 1991. Gerber, Richard, Vibrational Medicine. Santa Fe, NM. Bear and Co. 1988. Robbins, Anthony, Awaken the Giant Within. New York, NY. Simon & Shuster. 1991. Web sites: EFT Home page - http://www.emofree.com/ Energy Therapy Home Page - http://home.att.net/~tom.altaffer/index.htm Roger Callahan's home page - http://www.tftrx.com/
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